The Memorial Ferry

The last ferry trip.

So I could not come back to be on the last ferry trip over Hau River to say goodbye to the memorial ferry . Over twelve years has passed by and I have never gone back to pay it a visit. Feelings of regret and attachment keep on lingering on my mind. I finally decide to write these lines as a way to show my apology to the memorial ferry, even though it never finds fault with my absence.

The day my sister got married.

The day I first had a chance to ride on the ferryboat over Hau River was the one my oldest sister got married. The wedding van took us over a very long distance, passing Hau River, to the destination of Cai Von town, Binh Minh district on the other bank of Hau River. On that day, there was a boy who was about 15 years old feeling very sad since it was the first time he had to say goodbye to his loved one. The rain spattered down covering a whole sky of Hau River.

"Knocking on the door".

Then a few years later, I started my student life in Can Tho City. Regularly, every few weeks, I took a ride on ferryboat over Hau River to pay my sister a visit. I cannot remember now how many times I had passed by the ferry. Sometimes I took a ride just to watch the Hau River scene and then come back without getting on the other bank. And there was a ferry trip that I would never forget - the one with a female beggar on board who sang the song "Knocking on the door":

If there are any times when you knock on the door paying me a visit,

And find that the garret is gloomy and the scene is silent ...

The singing voice was vulgar. The lyrics were simple. But it seemed that there was something in that voice, in that lyrics I found so special - special enough to have lingered on my mind over long period of times. Out there, the rain spattered down covering a whole sky of Hau River.

Can Tho of the years of 80s.

Ninh Kieu Wharf of those days was dirty. The most beautiful and magnificent street of Can Tho probably was Hoa Binh Boulevard which ran through the city center. Nguyen Trai street was probably the most romantic one which has the traits of Sai Gon streets. In Can Tho those days, we could find Nha Phuong and Bao Yen's singing voices everywhere. Thuong Tin and Nguyen Chanh Tin were the number-one heroes on silver screen. Together with Thuy An and Huong Xuan, they represented Vietnam movies of 80s. Can Tho Stadium's construction was started in the beginning of 80s but not finished until very later when I was no longer there. Generally, Can Tho has every trait of a city but it is good that it is not too busy. I love its pleasant atmosphere.

The student and the prostitute.

It is not remembered how they - the student and the Hau River ferry prostitute - started their conversation and joined together on the walk from the ferry to city center in that evening. The student obviously volunteered to walk since he had a bike with him. The prostitute had an average looking and possessed typical traits of a Mekong River girl: good-natured, simple, and a little bit levorish. It is not remembered what they talked to each other but it looked like they were having fun smiling and laughing. The girl didn't solicit. The student didn't suggest. They said good-bye like two close friends and socially promised to see again. Time passed by. They didn't have another chance to meet again.

Mysterious friendship.

"Only when you have gone away,

I just realize how close you are to me,

The void is so quiet and sad,

Nobody can fill it up.

There are so many times I have found your shadow around me,

Your gait - simple, thoughtful and taciturn,

Your smile - gentle, your eyes - meditating,

Which smoothen my heart in many melancholy afternoons . "

I received these verses from you after our class trip to Vinh Te, Chau Doc which for some reason you could not join. If only you knew that I had felt the same way . How sad the mountains of Vinh Te looked to me on the trip. On the top of the mountains looking to very far away down there, I found myself like a prince in the old story: looking forever for someone of his heart but didn't realize a very close existence.

And then, after that trip, we came closer to each other like close friends. Most of the time we were together, both of us didn't speak much, but it seemed that we felt enough, very enough, nothing more needed to be said. And then we were drifting away from each other for no reason. I didn't understand why that day. You did. But you had never said nothing. I just realize now that thanks to your silence it had become the most memorable thing in my student life.

If only you knew that I had written the following verses for you on those days but didn't have a chance to send them:

"Is the rain dropping heavily in the Vinh land this cold afternoon?

Why am I in a daze missing so much your land - Cang Long

Where I came and now I felt miss

Are you feeling sad over there, my dear? "

All have gone.

So now there is no more the ferry over Hau River. My sister has not been in Cai Von town any more. The beggar on board of some other year must have gone so far away to the world of nothingness. The prostitute may have died of aids or be living with her partner somewhere else. I have never seen my mysterious friend again since we left college. All seem to have gone. Just Can Tho is still there, even though much different from what it was like. Just I am still here, even though much different from what I was like. Both of us are so lonely.

05/01/2010

Jeffrey Thai